Public speaking consistently ranks among the top fears for people around the world. Traditional advice often relies on superficial tricks like picturing the audience in underwear, which fails to address the root cause of stage anxiety. When professionals and students face an audience, self-defeating habits and negative internal dialogue frequently take over, holding them back from sharing their true message and potential.
Enter Matthew Cossolotto, a veteran speechwriter, international speech coach, and author of The Joy of Public Speaking and Harness Your PromisePower. Drawing from his high-profile communication experience—including serving as a speechwriter at NATO Headquarters and for top U.S. leaders—Matthew helps speakers conquer anxiety through his innovative PodiumPower! programs. Today, we sit down with Matthew to discuss the inner game of communication, the power of mindset shifts, and how anyone can learn to embrace the stage.
Q: You often state that there is no such thing as public speaking, just speaking. How does this simple mindset shift help individuals overcome severe stage fright?
Matthew Cossolotto: We speak with other people just about every day. Many times a day. We speak with friends, relatives, even complete strangers. And for most people most of the time, speaking with others is an enjoyable experience. The vast majority of people don’t suffer from nervousness, trepidation, or stage fright when talking with others in everyday life. So it helps, I think, to keep that perspective in mind. Just knowing that is a major step forward on the path from stage fright to stage delight. In The Joy of Public Speaking, I write about the inner game and the outer game when it comes to giving speeches and presentations. And I suggest that we should play the inner game to win. But many people actually play the inner game to lose. Doing so is disempowering and self-defeating. Here’s a key question: Where does the fear of public speaking come from? It comes from our thoughts, from our mindsets, from our internal dialogue, our attitudes about speaking. In other words, we conjure up the fear ourselves. We do this to ourselves. Another question: Where does joy come from? The same place, right? Between the ears. We have the power to play the mind game to win and we do this by conjuring up joyful thoughts and attitudes instead of fearful thoughts about public speaking.
Q: Having worked as a speechwriter at NATO and on Capitol Hill, how did your high-stakes background shape your approach to coaching everyday speakers?
Matthew Cossolotto: I’ve noticed over the years that those who enjoy public speaking tend to be better at it than people who are gripped by fear and trepidation. Makes sense, right? This is true of just about any activity – sports, playing a musical instrument, reading classical literature, solving mathematical problems… whatever the activity. If you enjoy it, you tend to be better at it. At the very least, you’re willing to spend the time and effort needed to improve your skills. So I like to start with joy, with the inner game. If you get that right, the performance aspects of speaking – the outer game skills – tend to fall into place more easily and naturally. Which brings me to another point about joy – this is the doorway to authentic speaking. Trepidation and authenticity don’t mix very well.
In my book and workshops, I talk about Twenty Terrific Tips for Top-Notch Talks. Some of these tips deal with the inner game while others focus on outer game, performance-related suggestions. The 20th tip comes from my former boss, U.S. House Speaker Jim Wright. He observed that the most effective leaders he encountered in his long public service career shared one important quality: The willingness to be admired. It’s an important point. Leaders – and that includes speakers – need to be willing to be in the spotlight. This doesn’t mean you have to be narcissistic or egomaniacal. But you must be willing to be the center of attention. And I’m convinced that those who learn to enjoy public speaking are much more likely to seek out and even thrive in the spotlight. They’re comfortable being seen and heard. Leaders speak and followers listen. That’s just the way the world works.
Q: Traditional advice for nervous speakers often misses the mark. What are some of the most common self-defeating habits you see people rely on, and how do you help them break those cycles?
Matthew Cossolotto: There’s a lot of misguided – if well-intentioned – advice out there. Suggestions like imagining the audience without clothes or avoiding direct eye-contact by looking out over the heads of audience members. I’m not a fan of those traditional tactics. Instead, I begin by focusing on the joy of public speaking because I don’t want to just change your mind about public speaking; I want to blow your mind! The mind is the problem… and the solution. There seems to be a kind of collective subconscious consensus that there’s something to be dreaded or feared about public speaking. I told a friend the title of my book – The Joy of Public Speaking – and he responded, without missing a beat: “There’s no joy in public speaking.” Most people would agree with my friend. Surveys show that more than 75% of all people in the world suffer from nervousness, trepidation, or outright, paralyzing fear. Mark Twain is supposed to have said something along these lines: Most people are afraid of public speaking, and the rest are liars. That’s a paraphrase. But it speaks to the widely held attitude about public speaking.
People often say or think to themselves: I HAVE to go give a speech. I urge them to monitor their thoughts and the words they use. Words matter. You should emphasize the positive. You don’t HAVE to get a speech. You GET to go give a speech. It’s a fantastic opportunity to share your ideas and information about a subject you care about. If you don’t care about it, you shouldn’t be giving the speech in the first place. So I focus on the positives, on the sharing of ideas and information that you care about, that you’re passionate about. Mahatma Gandhi suffered from severe stage fright as a young man. But his commitment to the cause of Indian independence – a subject he cared deeply about – helped him to overcome his stage fright. If you want to make a difference in the world, getting up and speaking to audiences goes with the territory. So it’s a good idea to find joy in speaking.
Q: Your framework introduces the concept of mental joyjitsu. Can you explain how speakers can actively turn stage fright into stage delight?
Matthew Cossolotto: It’s an obvious play on words, of course. I refer to this as the Gentle Art of Mental JOYjitsu. Kind of like jiu-jitsu – which is known as the gentle art. Again, my goal is to blow your mind, not just change it. The whole idea is to think radically differently about public speaking. So I created Seven Steps to Joy – and I explain those steps in detail in my book and in my workshops and presentations. I won’t go into detail on all seven steps right now. But the first JOYjitsu move is this: “Always speak to an audience of one.” Always. Not just some of the time. All of the time. Speak to one person at a time. Never even think about the size of the audience – whether it’s 20 people or 1,000. It’s always one person at a time. That mental shift is a game-changer all by itself. It helps to lower the public speaking terror alert right away. The corollary point – the next step on the path to joy – is something we already talked about: There’s no such thing as public speaking. There’s just speaking. Having a conversation. These two steps are giant leaps, mentally, on the path to joy. If you can internalize these two steps, you’re well on your way to stage delight.
Q: Beyond public speaking, your work explores personal empowerment through habits and promises. How does internal self-talk impact a speaker's overall presence and success?
Matthew Cossolotto: I’m glad you mentioned the broader personal empowerment context. I think I may be alone in recognizing public speaking as a personal empowerment skill or tool. If you want to reach your peak potential in life, becoming a more comfortable, confident, joyful speaker is vital. This gets into what I call my Triad Empowerment System: Habits, Speaking, Promises. These three overlapping, interconnected elements – sometimes I call them superpowers – are reflected in my personal empowerment book trilogy: The Joy of Public Speaking, Harness Your PromisePower, and the forthcoming Harness Your HabitForce which deals with the seven habits of SUCCESS and FAILURE. My books and Personal Empowerment Programs (PEPTalks) are all animated by a core concept: Success is an inside job. That’s where your self-talk, your internal dialogue, plays a crucial role. That’s the “inside job” I’m talking about.
Q: For someone who avoids the podium at all costs, what is one actionable step they can take today to start finding their authentic voice?
Matthew Cossolotto: I’m tempted to say: Read my book! But I’ll refrain because that would be too crass and self-promotional. So I’ll recommend this. Wear a rubber band on your wrist. Trust me on this. You might think this is just an everyday, run-of-the-mill rubber band, but if you use it properly this rubber band suddenly becomes what I call an “Empower-Me Band.” I believe a rubber band – an Empower-Me Band – is the most powerful tool for positive personal change and achievement ever devised in human history.
That may sound like a wild exaggeration, but it’s not. You see, if you use and understand the Band correctly, it serves three compelling purposes: First, when worn on the wrist Empower-Me bands become a constant reminder of a goal or promise made by the wearer. Keeping goals or promises top of mind is a powerful boost toward reaching a goal and keeping a promise. Now, I’m a big advocate of turning important goals into heartfelt promises because I believe a promise is more powerful than a goal. I often say that a promise is like a goal on steroids.
Why?
Because I believe a promise comes from the heart and is backed by strong emotion. Goals tend to be more cerebral, more brain-centered. You can change a goal, but you can only BREAK a promise. So there’s a big difference.
The second superpower possessed by these Empower-Me Bands is this: In its relaxed state, the limp band serves as a helpful metaphor for what I call “HabitForce” — which is your collection of habitual thoughts, your mindsets, what goes on repeatedly between the ears.
These habitual thoughts determine what we accomplish or fail to accomplish in our lives. The limp band represents how we feel with our existing collection of habits. We are at ease with our habits. Whether the habits are empowering or disempowering.This is our comfort zone. If you try to make changes in your life, your HabitForce stretches like a rubber band and far too often snaps back to its previous, stress-free state. And we go back to being who we were before we tried to make changes. The message here is you have to move in the direction of your goals, promises, and dreams by changing your thought-habits and mindsets.
Third, the Empower-Me Band can be used to help you “snap out of it.” HabitForce is such a powerful influence on our lives because it operates largely below the level of conscious awareness. It’s a kind of personal operating system that was programmed from childhood. We’re comfortable with habits that have been programmed over a lifetime. That’s why personal change is often so difficult.
I always love to share this Chinese proverb:
Sow a thought, reap an action;
Sow an action, reap a habit;
Sow a habit, reap a character;
Sow a character, reap a destiny.
To streamline the logic, we can shorten the steps and say that your thoughts determine your destiny. It all starts with our thoughts – whether you’re talking about SUCCESS habits, joyful speaking, or keeping promises.
In all three of my personal empowerment programs – my PEPTalks – I talk about the Six Axioms of Personal Empowerment. I’ll share the 6th Axiom with you now. It comes from Earl Nightingale. He studied the greatest books and philosophers throughout history and he concluded that all that wisdom boiled down to this one strange and powerful sentence: “We become what we think about.”
He called our thoughts self-fulfilling prophecies, saying that we will reap in the world what we first sow in our minds in the form of a thought. But here’s the thing: Our habits of thought tend to run on autopilot. Unless we break the pattern and reprogram our HabitForce, the negative program will keep running. By snapping the rubber band on your wrist, you change your habitual thought patterns.
To make positive changes in your life – to make the shift from stage fright to stage delight – the first step is to stop the flow of negative thoughts that habitually flood your mind and keep you from making desired changes. As the proverb begins: Sow a thought. If it's a positive thought, you'll reap a positive destiny, on and off the podium.
Overcoming the fear of public speaking requires more than mechanical rehearsal; it demands a fundamental shift in mindset. As our conversation highlights, mastering the inner game allows speakers to replace anxiety with authentic connection and confidence. By treating presentations simply as an extension of everyday conversation, individuals can unlock their true potential.
Looking ahead, effective communication remains a critical driver of personal and professional growth. Professionals who learn to harness their inner voice and embrace the spotlight will stand out in an increasingly crowded world. Experts like Matthew Cossolotto provide the exact tools needed to transform stage terror into lasting influence and impact.
To learn more visit https://www.matthewcossolotto.com/