By Andrea D. Carter, Organizational Scientist, Adjunct Faculty, Industrial and Organizational Psychology, Adler University
“Inconvenience is the cost of community.” This idea has been trending on social media, speaking to people who are looking to rediscover what belonging and community actually require. In years past, the adaptation that people can have connections without coordination, community without commitment, and relationships without the friction of difference has dominated. But belonging within a community does not work that way because human interdependence has never been frictionless. Both ask you to show up when you’d rather stay home, to stay in conversations you’d rather leave, and to need people whose presence and beliefs stretch and grow your capacity to care about more than yourself. The inconvenience, in part, is the infrastructure. And new data suggests that when five productive frictions are eliminated from the infrastructure, we strip away the very things that keep communities strong, productive, and together.
Three converging epidemics now demand our attention, and all three point to the same breakdown: the collapse of community infrastructure. First, the World Health Organization released a landmark report in June 2025 that revealed that 1 in 6 people worldwide are affected by loneliness. Follow-up reports from Canada and the United States confirm a rise from 2024. The loneliness epidemic links an estimated 100 deaths every hour; 871,000 deaths per year to social isolation, rivalling smoking in its mortality risk. Contributing to this epidemic is the widespread uptick in familial estrangement: up to 130 million North Americans are estranged from a close relative, with 35 percent involving immediate family members. The key finding is that the United States has approximately twice the rate of parent-child estrangement as Europe. The emphasis on individual autonomy over collective family obligation appears to impact estrangement rates.
Second, we are in a workplace toxicity epidemic. Eighty percent of U.S. workers in 2025 describe their workplaces as toxic, up from 67% in 2024, citing it as the primary driver for their poor mental health. Additionally, Gallup’s global data show that employee engagement has stalled, costing the economy $438 billion in lost productivity.
Third, the 2025 Edelman Trust Barometer finds an unprecedented global decline in civic and employer trust, with a nation fractured by experiences of exclusion. These are not separate problems. They are all interconnected by a single root cause: we have systematically eliminated the infrastructure that builds social cohesion and belonging.
The cost of convenience
The data isn’t just about how people feel anymore. It’s showing up in our emotional capacity at home and in the workplace. A 2025 study in Frontiers in Psychology examined emotional intelligence scores from 28,000 adults across 166 countries and found an alarming trend: global emotional intelligence has dropped nearly 6% between 2019 and 2024. Freedman, Freedman, Choi, and Miller (2025) call this an “Emotional Recession” because our shared emotional resources are shrinking in a pattern similar to an economy in a downturn. The steepest declines occurred in intrinsic motivation, optimism, and a sense of purpose; three capabilities that help keep us going, stay hopeful, and invest in relationships. This data demonstrates that we are not just feeling more disconnected, but that with these converging epidemics, we are losing the emotional infrastructure required for real community and meaningful culture.
Many blame the convenience culture. Digital platforms promise connection without commitment, comfort without consideration, and belonging without mutual accountability. Algorithms reduce exposure to difference, curate belief-aligned feeds, and allow people to retreat from the discomfort that growth requires. Families estrange inconvenient members, present differences, or challenge repetitive traumatic family dysfunction.
Organizations invest billions in wellness apps, engagement initiatives, and people strategies while systematically removing the very infrastructure needed for community. Messy, time-consuming interactions that build trust and interdependency, like the tense moments when colleagues work through conflict rather than agree or look away. These are the frictions where real decisions and authentic relationships are forged. We have optimized away the inconveniences that create interdependence, then wondered why people feel so alone, emotionally raw, and unable to handle differences.
A fundamental distinction has been lost, complicating interdependence. Belonging is not the same as fitting in. Fitting in is passive; it accommodates whatever meets the requirements, provides minimal access, and lets you stay as long as you comply. Fitting in is both conditional and transactional, whereas belonging is active and reciprocal. It asks something of you, and of the community that receives you. Both parties must adjust, accommodate, and be changed by the relationship. That mutual obligation is exactly what convenience culture does not tolerate and precisely what builds trust, respect, commitment, and the emotional resilience we are losing.
Five Productive Inconveniences
My research on workplace belonging identifies five “productive inconveniences” embedded in genuine community:
1. Costly commitment: Real community is a two-way street. This requires those in the community to be flexible, to change plans, and to choose what’s best for the group over what’s easiest. However, the caveat is that the same people should not constantly be flexible for others, but there is structure in the rotation and investment in everyone. When only some people have to invest, being part of the community doesn’t mean much.
2. Coordinated time: Strong, productive relationships need time together to form trust. That’s why when it’s inconvenient, and calendars are full, making that effort to see faces, hear voices, and feel that we’re in it together is so critical. Texts, emails, and DMs are helpful, but will never replace human interconnectedness found in real presence.
3. Navigating difference: Belonging grows when we stay in relationship with people who see the world differently, rather than retreating when views are challenged. Learning to listen, disagree with respect, and stay curious in those moments is what stretches us and makes the community stronger.
4. Conflict repair: Healthy relationships mean taking responsibility and accountability to work through conflict, which is expressed by all parties; rather than just discounting or disengaging. Instead of unfollowing or walking away, having hard conversations so that understanding is mutual is what allows people to do the work and make things right.
5. Mutual need: Belonging demands interdependence. It means we actually need each other, and we need to ask for help and be needed in return. When we are unable to rely on anyone or try to do everything alone, it’s just another form of isolation. Being needed and being willing to need others is what turns a group of people into a real community.
Choosing people over convenience
Not all friction is failure. Leaders, whether in families, workplaces, or communities, must learn to distinguish harmful barriers such as discrimination, exclusion, and bureaucratic waste from essential inconveniences that build the muscle of belonging within a community.
The Emotional Recession study emphasizes this: people with higher emotional intelligence were over ten times more likely to have strong relationships, be effective in what they do, and experience wellbeing in their lives. The data suggests that investing in building emotional capacity and the productive inconveniences that develop it pays measurable dividends for individuals and organizations alike.
Community is not built solely through connection. It is built through interdependence, and interdependence is a human infrastructure that is deliberately inconvenient. The future of families, work, and community requires people to choose interdependence over convenience. It means coordinating schedules instead of defaulting to text, staying in hard conversations – sometimes repeatedly until both parties are understood, and showing up when you’d rather stay home. These choices are the infrastructure of belonging within productive communities. Every time you choose people over convenience, you invest in community. The real question in our homes, workplaces, and democracies is: are we willing to pay that price?
